Yesterday I went to call a good friend of mine to complain about something that I have been experiencing recently. For a bit over a month I’ve been dealing with something that has required more time and effort than I previously expected and over the last few days I became a bit flustered. As I went to call her to complain, about ten seconds prior to her answering the phone, it dawned on me to change that complaint into a compliment. See this friend of mine has been doing what I am currently doing, in a sense, for a few years now and complaints are just not something I hear coming forth from her mouth.
In the past the person that I have been, and honestly still am at times has been one to complain a lot. About every little thing that unsettled me. I complained and made sure someone heard my complaints, that they knew my dissatisfaction with whatever was going on, however I seldom offered advice or tips on how to improve that situation to better fit my needs and all of those that were affected by whatever it was that was gaining my discontent. I complained. A lot. If things didn’t go the way that I thought they should, if things didn’t go the way I wanted them to. I complained. I complained and complained and complained about my complaints.
Recently I listened to a podcast by an influencer I’ve been recently following. On his podcast he had a guest whose parents were immigrants and he himself had parents who were immigrants. The two went off into a side conversation about complaints and how they do not participate in complaining and how they despise when others complain around them as we have nothing to complain about. These two shared similar stories of parents who came to America with nothing. No money, no home, no entitlement to anything here other than the dream that they held in their minds.
They spoke about how in the time we live in everything that we complain about has a resolution at the tip of our hands. We have so many tools and things we can utilize to assist us with making our dreams into reality, but not just that we can make our dreams bigger and better with search engines such as; Google, YouTube, Podcast, Self-Help groups, Facebook advertisement, etc. We have it made to live out our dreams and we can do it for free with the tools that our current times provide.
With the tools we have if you want to change something, create something, know something you can go out to several different platforms and receive the information in minutes for free. Literally everything is at the tip of our hands so complaints are unnecessary and pointless. They waste time, they waste energy, and they alter our focus. If you want a change you must be that change and in our time, we can be that change in five minutes or five years its truly up to us and our determination.
Today in the blog we are going to talk about complaining and the effects of it. How sometimes by complaining you will change the outcomes of your situations simply because you are complaining. When complaining your attention and focus is on all the negative aspects, passing any positive attributes about the situation up. You aren’t looking at the negative aspects and asking, how can they help me, how can they improve me, how can they make me better. You look at them as, owe this is taking away from me, owe this is negative towards me, owe this is not something that I want.
Yesterday when I went to call my friend, about ten seconds before she picked up the line my thoughts went from complaining to complimenting and applauding her for being so graceful, for being so strong, and being so resilient and relentless in her pursuit of doing what she loves. She’s been doing this for years and she has been able to tackle any obstacle gracefully as she fought through them head on. Those complaints she could have voice were instead compliments for the journey she was privileged to follow. She saw the beauty in everything and the bigger purpose was always around the horizon for her.
This is a place of honesty and transparency so I feel it only right to share a few situations with you guys that I’ve found myself in where I am complaining too much and doing too little.
Over the last two years countless situations have occurred. If I’m being frank most of these situations that have occurred have been completely out of my will. Completely out of my control. Completely out of anything I wanted however I just kept on and kept on complaining about them but I never did anything to attempt to change the many situations that occurred. All I did was voice that I was upset about it over and over again.
One day I reflected over all of this and said to myself the complaining has resulted with no positive results. The complaining has pushed me further into my circumstances simply because all I am doing is complaining – I am not acting. I’m not doing, I’m just talking. See the thing about talk is that it’s cheap. Talk only does so much for someone, it only does so much for a certain situation. When you have obstacles in life, you must tackle those obstacles physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally. You can’t just be about the talk, you must be about the walk.
I listened to my inner self and said let’s stop complaining Lex. Let’s start looking at these situations and looking at how they can benefit you, and how they can make you grow, even if they are situations that you do not like, that you wouldn’t have chosen. How can they make you grow? How can they provide you with a new perspective? How can they elevate you? How can these things possibly give you strength or give you satisfaction in the future when you are going through something or you are facing an obstacle and its hard but this time around it’s not as hard as it would have been, because the last time instead of complaining you did something? The last time instead of talking you showed some action – and you were about being the change in the situation that you were complaining about.
Recently I realized that a certain endeavor that I am involved in was painted to me in a different light than what it truly is. For a few days I sat and began to complain about each little thing that bothered me or that I did not like and I said to myself wait. Wait! My mind and my perspective about this endeavor were beginning to change. Due to my complaining over the last few days I began to not enjoy the little things that I previously liked simply because now my mind only traveled to the things that held my dissatisfaction. Those negative thoughts that I’d conjured up began to impact every part of this endeavor because I was speaking only the negatives into existence. See the thing is, I truly believe that what you say can become reality.
For a few years I used to listen to motivational videos and speeches as I prepared for my day, however I haven’t indulged in the morning encouragement within the last two years and my life has reflected the void of the daily encouragement. I distinctively remember this video that I watched almost every day. The video was a little over an hour and had several different speakers providing encouraging messages. As I listened to this video every day something different would jump out at me that I hadn’t heard or paid attention to previously.
There are two proverbs or maybe they are famous quotes that would play during this video and the first one says, “Anything your mind can conceive, YOU can achieve.” Let me repeat that; “Anything your mind can conceive, YOU can achieve.” There’s another one that stood out also that says; “The man who says he can, and the man who says he can’t – are both usually right.” When I heard these two quotes it honestly took a while for them to click for me. I felt bamboozled, the concepts simply didn’t make any sense to me.
The first quote, “Anything your mind can conceive, YOU can achieve”, was something that I battled with the thought of. I said to myself well my mind has conceived a lot of things but I haven’t achieved most of them. I thought about it and reflected on the thoughts that I had while my mind conceived new ideas. I remembered that while I was attempting to achieve those things I was complaining. I was doing a lot more talking compared to the action I was taking. I was looking at everything so negatively that what my mind conceived was only negative so what I achieved was only negative. I received exactly what I was thinking about, exactly what I was talking about because all I did was focus on the negative. All I did was complain.
The second quote, “The man who says he can, and the man who says he can’t – are both usually right”, now let me tell you that one tripped me up. Seriously I was stumped. I listened to that part of the video thousands of times over the years attempting to understand what it meant because it just didn’t make sense to me. If I say I can, I’m right? If I say, I can’t, I’m right? How is that?
This is where we go back to perspective.
This is exactly where we go back to perspective. When you are complaining, your perspective and your mind is all focused on the negative. However, when you are being grateful and thankful for the situations that you are going through because you know that its only happening to build you, to improve you, to make you better – you realize that all those things you said you couldn’t do in reality you could do them. In fact, you could have done them a long time ago but you kept saying I can’t, over and over again until that became your reality. You complained so much that you spoke it into your existence. The can’t became your reality instead of the can.
Today I just want to encourage you all that the next time you think about complaining that instead you think about how you can turn that complaint into a compliment. How can your statement go from, “I really don’t like…” to “well I think this may be better and here’s why.” Another key thing to realize is when situations require change and when situations don’t require change. As people we will invest a lot of time and energy into things that do not require our time and energy which takes us back to perspective. When you know what your focus is your focus will remain on that, however; when you don’t know what your focus is your focus is on a variety of things at one time.
This message is to speak with you all about complaining and how it can change your perspective. In life everything is about a perspective change. If you can acquire a new perspective, almost any situation that you could conjure up to complain about becomes a situation that gives you new light in a way that you haven’t seen before. Because your perspective and your mind has changed. Your entire thought process about this situation has changed. Change that complaint into a compliment and start applying that to every piece of your life rather it be relationships, work, home, friendships, anything – apply it to your entire life. Instead of complaining, compliment the situation. How can you make it better? How can you change it? Today I challenge you to be better in those ways. To stop complaining – start doing and to start acquiring a new perspective to be somebody better than you were yesterday, better than you were five minutes ago.
∞The only people complaining should be those with no more air in their lungs. If you are still breathing you have the ability to be the change. Get innovative. Get creative. STOP COMPLAINING!
♥With Love, Sonneblom Lex♥
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