The Boy I Love




Photo Credit: FocusNBlur

The Boy I Love

Aisha Arij

I want to tell the boy I love,
That I just can’t keep loving him like this.
That as much as he don’t like talking,
I don’t like being ignored
And for every time he tells me that he’s trying,
It just don’t feel hard enough.
For all the depression carved into my own wrists
My skin just ain’t thick enough to deal with his too.
I want to tell the boy I love,
To just be happy.
To just smile and look at the bright side of things
But I know depression don’t work like that
So instead I’m learning to be silent
And learning not to taint his sadness with my laughter anymore.
I don’t want him feeling left out of what he can’t get into.
I want to tell him,
That all the sunshine
Is right on the other side of
His friend’s dying,
His father demanding a relationship that was never there,
And the girls that couldn’t have a 3-way relationship with him and his broken.
That everything good
Is on the other side of everything he needs to forget.
With no happy to give me in return.
That I’m sorry but
I just can’t love me enough for the both of us.
I want to tell the boy that I love,
That I’ve been finding people who laugh with me
And I have an elementary school crush on someone
Who can share happiness.
And that it makes me feel guilty to turn my back on love
For something to make me feel good.
How selfish,
To cram it all into a minute-long poem
And tell everyone but him,
That I don’t want to love him anymore.

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