“Memories.” I know I’m not the only one who manages to stumble upon a memory from one of the various social media sites that house all the things you don’t want to forget. No? Nah? Okay, cool – glad I’m not in this alone because Snapchat decided to remind me of a few memories from two years ago and well… here the hell we are. The video surely brought up feelings I’d thought were processed and healed and if not at the least they were buried. Between facebook, snapchat, and the new instagram update I’m flooded with memories of what could’ve been, what should’ve been, and flat out what will never be. I know I’m not the only one and frankly this is a topic that I’ve been wanting to dive into for the last year and a half so here it goes.
The icky, sticky, topic of dating and relationships in this new “millennial era.”
“Somehow we’d fallen in and out of love countless times but we still knew that the other would catch us before we had a chance to break.”
If I’m honest the video did more than bring up old feelings that I’d forgot about, it also helped me realize that I wasn’t over it as much as I thought I was. The carpet was pulled from beneath my feet and the realization that the safety net and comfort of what used to be was no longer there. This time the break, the cut, the end seemed real. Or at least more real than it ever had.
Somehow what began as a friendship had led to a crutch. One where no matter how many times I broke my leg the crutch was always there. No matter what relationships we began we had relied on each other being there when they failed. Somehow we’d fallen in and out of love countless times but we still knew that the other would catch us before we had a chance to break. We knew that no matter what we could always go back to each other. We could always rely on each other.
Now let’s be real.. What kind of bs is that?
How unfair is it for a person to know that when coming into this new relationship with you if things don’t go right they have a “backup” plan ready and willing. I mean if the shoe were on the other foot and the person I was seeing, the one that was talking to me about building a future, the one that was wining and dining me, and making me feel like the only one; was actually just waiting for a “fuck up” I’d be pretty pissed. If at the drop of a dime or a really heated argument he could just leave and still have “someone” to swoop right in, I’d be pretty hurt and beyond pissed.
Now, don’t go side-eyeing and rolling your eyes because I know I’m not the only one and he surely isn’t the only one either. If I’m honest I’m a bit of a people watcher. I follow trends of the things they say, what they do, and how they move. More than anything I follow how their words align with their actions and 9/10 there actions speak something completely different than what their words say. This is for all people, not a man or a woman but people in general. Now, I also give the benefit of the doubt or what others would call “grace” because I know that sometimes people’s intentions are one thing and their reality is another.
“I mean if we’re honest, the love of our life isn’t going to be able to just walk in and out of the door.”
I see it often where a man or woman has been in a relationship and things don’t work out. I mean after all it’s easy to see because we as people no longer believe in privacy so everything is spewed across the internet. Photos reveal who someone is dating unless they choose to fill us in with every detail through their various status updates. Let’s not mention those who hint at being in a relationship but never change their relationship status and never post a picture of their significant other “because the world doesn’t need to know their business” – those people crack me up because either they are secretly in multiple relationships or they are single and want others to believe the hype.
Nevertheless, we aren’t the only ones – so it made me wonder why do we as people do this at all? It sums up to only a few things; with the first being comfort. Many of us will stay in relationships with people we hate because it’s comfortable. In all actuality it’s not comfortable it’s just what we’ve grown accustomed to. There’s no guessing because we know that they will rise to the occasion in this instance and we know that they will let us down in the other. We know what to expect although we may be pushing for more.We know how they can pleasure us and how they can sadden us. It boils down to a really sad reality of knowing how we will be hurt and already knowing how that hurt feels.
The next is “access.” When we have already encountered a relationship with someone we already know that we have access to their heart and to their mind. We know that we have access to a place in their life. We know that this access is available as long as we want it, need it, or can make space for it. Add children to the equation and the access becomes infinite. It’s the “access” that takes us into the last piece that allows us to have a crutch in our back pocket; “the past and the memories.” The past and the memories is what we ultimately allow to be our wrecking ball. We remember the moments where he treated us like a queen, the moments where he swept us off our feet and made our smile gleam. We remember the moments where she catered and cared for you that made you feel as if you were the only man on this planet. We remember so much that we forget why we left in the first place. We tell ourselves that they have grown and changed and this time will be different because we’re different.
Here’s the truth. You ended that relationship because it wasn’t the one for you. Yes, you’ve grown and they’ve grown too but did you both grow in the same ways? More than likely you both didn’t grow in the same direction because if you had you would’ve stayed all along. Comfort and History are nice but something new can be amazingly refreshing, heck it can even be rewarding. See, often times the person we know we can run back and forth to is still there because at least with you they’ll have somebody. I mean if we’re honest, the love of our life isn’t going to be able to just walk in and out of the door. We won’t allow that, because we know the place for them is in our life despite the ups and downs. The question is do you want to have somebody or do you want to have the somebody that is for YOU?